I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
