my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
