As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Randomize
