today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
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