does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
