So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
