at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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