do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
