Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
