Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
