If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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