4 words: hood of his car
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
