imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
