oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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