Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
