I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
