i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
and she was petting her beer can
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I just want nice things and good sex
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
