The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
