so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
