she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
