She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
