Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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