Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
