that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
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