i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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