He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
