i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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