AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
