Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
