K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
