He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
