Can i not drive my cunt home
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
