Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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