I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Boobs speak an international language.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Randomize
