also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
