Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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