Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
