Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Randomize
