he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
