I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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