Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
