Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
