yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
