I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
where are my eyebrows?
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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