Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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