Three words: puerto rican gang bang
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
