I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
