his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
