I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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