No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
