oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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