Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize
