is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
