In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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